Helping the Process

I used to be very selective about who I gave my phone number to (I still am, just toned down a bit). I didn't want too many numbers in my contacts because let's face it, how many of the people in your contacts do you stay in touch with on even a monthly basis? Really, how big is your circle? Periodically I'd go through my phone book and remove names of people I hadn't been in touch with for a while. If you were ever a victim, forgive juvenile me. Then a friend taught me to be less choosy, because you didn't know where your miracle was going to come from. In case you were wondering, oh yes, it has helped me (dreamy smile). I'm sure you have a story or two up your sleeve on that yourself.

One evening on my way home from church I came across this guy. I noticed him. He was quite catchy and he noticed me, I know. He was staring. I have this 'thing' of smiling at people when I make eye contact, even people I don't know. I find it easier than to quickly look away as if you were doing something wrong. A smile never kills, you know. And so I smiled at the young man. But make no mistake, this one was an invitation, and he didn’t miss!  We were just passing by each other, so you know the eye contact was over a distance, when he said hi. Now, I know that hi wouldn't have come out if I hadn't coaxed it out with that smile.

'Hi, I'm Paul.'
'Hey.' With a smile. I knew what was coming.
'Do you live around?'
'Yeah.' Still smiling.
'You're a Ghanaian, right?'
'Yeah.' That’s how I know he's definitely Nigerian.
'Do you have a phone?' taking out his phone.
Really? Out of idk-what-to-call-it, 'No, I don't.'
Now he's surprised. 'Are you sure?'
I nod. A little hard-to-get game wouldn’t hurt.
'Or you just don't want to give me your number?' with a half-smile.
You got me. 'Yeah...’ I say with a cringe. He had to ask again.
'Oh okay, fine that's cool.' What? He didn’t ask again!
'But I'm sure I'll see you around. You live around right?' now I was trying to get info and see if maybe we could go round, back to where we started.
'Nah, I just came around.' Uh-oh. Sister has been silly.
'Oh okay then. Some other time, hopefully,' I say with a hopeful smile, hoping he'll ask me again.
'Yeah, sure,' he says with a smile. He really didn’t ask again. Yep, this fish didn’t take the bait.
I walk away with my smile I don’t feel and cuss yours truly in my head. At least he waited for me to walk away first. And with every step I take I regret and scold myself even more.

Now what do you think would have happened if I'd just given him the number? Or if after two steps I turned back and said, 'you know what, actually, I do want you to have my number' and just gave it to him? After all, it's just a number and it's mine. Come to think of it, I could have just asked for his. Now I'll never know. I'll just keep wondering what if...and wishing I had...

Guys, I am not saying that every time a girl says ‘no’ she really means ‘yes’. Sometimes ‘no’ does mean ‘no’. It just applies to specific people. Persistence isn’t always sexy.
Sisters are a headache even unto ourselves. Sometimes I don't even understand myself. And this anecdote is a perfect example of how we don't allow ourselves to be happy sometimes. We block our chances and expect God to work miracles: the very ones He brought our way that we threw away.

Even if that wasn't yours, how do you know it's not the one that will lead you to yours? Baby girl, all I'm saying is sometimes you've got to help the process to get what you want. I'm not talking about Sarah's kind of help; that was a little extreme. A nudge, with subtlety, should put him in the right direction. Don't expect someone else to do all the work, especially when you're interested, too. Allow yourself to be engaged meaningfully and enjoy the process. Take time to smell the roses, or whatever flowers you like best. You'll be glad you did.

Oh and by the way, Paul, wherever you are, if you ever chance on this... well, you know what I’d like you to do.

Photo credit:
thecampussocialite.com
Clip2art.com