Hit the Road (2)

                                 

So Efe (that’s my mate from high school) liked this guy for two years. To be fair, they have been crushing on each other from the first meeting (on her side). But at this point I know it got mutual. Trust me, she has done silly things and told stupid lies because of him and had a few first times with him. For the first year or so Efe was just hoping he was gonna ask her out. It was all she could think about and as her friends we were growing tired of that topic. It never happened by the way. She said he was fun and funny and tall and good looking. Plus he knew how to treat a girl, and Efe always felt good when around him.

Maybe it was her and her inability to hide the fact that she liked him or maybe it was him. Whatever the reason was, people around us begun to question if they were in a relationship. Of course, they were. In their own special way; it just wasn't official yet. So the answer was always no. Twice she’d been told that she was glowing while he was around.

Efe was willing to wait for as long as it took for him to say the words because she actually believed he was her last stop. I don’t know what she felt like but it must have been major for her to think that way. And whenever a guy came so close she just said sorry, I like someone else. Usually what followed not long after was ‘does he like you back?’ then she’ll go like ‘I’m not so sure but I think so and I’m waiting for him.’ Yeah, yeah, you are asking the same thing they did. She was just patient, not crazy.

Well, it took a while but she woke up to reality; that she was not gonna get what she wanted from this guy and she had to move on. His excuse when Efe asked after she got tired of waiting (even the most patient of people do run out of it at some point) was that he wasn't ready. But that is beside the point. During that time I spoke to male friend of mine about why a guy would refuse to make an official commitment of some sort with a girl he apparently likes and it’s his response that I want to share. He said three things.

The first reason was that maybe the guy was immature. He was not serious and just wanted to play around. My interpretation of this is that this guy does not want to commit but he would like to enjoy the benefits that come with commitment. Because that is close to what Efe’s young man said to her. Difference is his version came out more nicely covered but if you thought about it that was just what he was trying to say, put simply. He just wanted to have a feel for free so he could walk away easily to the next girl. This could explain why he wasn't ready.

The second reason my friend gave was friendship. He said that if the guy had a reputation, especially among his friends there’s likely to be a kind of girl they’ll picture him with. To keep his reputation he had to go with the crowd. I’d place Efe’s young man in this category. My guess is Efe didn't make the cut for a cool enough girl to him and his friends. I don’t want to believe it but it does make sense. In a dumb sort of way. And coming from a guy… I don’t know if you can identify with this.

The third thing he said was that possibly the guy was trying to protect himself from getting hurt. Now this is a guy who claims he hasn't dated before. His experience in relationships was limited to that of his friends. Does this make sense to me? A little bit. But hey, you have got to risk something in order to get something, no? So I’m not buying. I think anyone who does that is being selfish. What about the other person, you think they have nothing to lose? It would be better if it was that he didn't want to hurt the other person. That would be putting the interest of others before us, just like the good book says.

But this whole relationship thing is too much work, you know. Yes, it is. Apart from what family and friends think there is also what both of you agree and disagree on. I think that if two responsible people are serious about working things out toward a lasting future on mutual grounds or beliefs, go for it. If it doesn't work out at least you know you gave it your best shot.

If on the other hand being in relationship means compromising too much, please stay alone. The longer you stay in a relationship without marriage the greater temptations you create for yourselves, especially if you have a no sex policy. You could just wait until you are ready for the big shot. After all according to God’s plan not everyone will have a lifetime partner. If you happen to be one of the exceptions accept it in good faith. You can start practicing just in case you happen to be one… I know not all of us would accept this, but I’m just saying.

PS: if you are wondering about Efe, she’s doing fine. She hit the road, cutting all ties after letting him know she was too old to be playing games. Can’t say it took one day but she’s made progress and is happy on her own. But of course she has me.